For the love of a leg

Writer's note: (I don't have an editor, though I am one, hence the "writer's note.") You should probably read the previous blog entry before this one to understand its place in the time-space continuum of the blogosphere. p.s. I find it ironic that the word "blogosphere" rates a spellcheck underline in a blog (as does the word spellcheck -- I suppose it should be spell check, but that looks lame).

Mimicking Ralphie's adoration of the "Major
Award." Ah, "the soft glow of electric sex."

I don't suppose I've shared the story of the leg lamp with everyone, you know, in a public forum. I'll skip the story of how I fell in love with "A Christmas Story" back in 1984, the night a group of extended friends at Western Illinois University attended the show in the University Union. Met my first real girlfriend that night, too.

So, long about 1994 I was traipsing through Bergner's in Sandburg Mall one Sunday afternoon around the time they were doing a store renovation. That meant replacing old fixtures and display pieces. The pervert in me was enthralled by a slender plastic leg used in stocking displays. I'm tellin' ya, it was a rather well-formed leg for as slender as it was. I think it must have been modeled after a dancer's leg. For 3 bucks I couldn't pass it up. At that moment, I hadn't made the link between the leg and building my own "Christmas Story" leg lamp. I just dig weird stuff.

At some point later I decided I could transform it into a leg lamp. Thus began the three-year quest for the necessary parts to complete the project. I would need a floor lamp, a shade, fringe, a sexy high-heel shoe and fishnet stockings.

Tracked down the lamp first. After visiting several antiques stores I found an old floor lamp for cheap that fit the bill. Except that it's socket was for an old-style bulb with a large base that I don't think is available anymore. It was a challenge to cobble together a shade that would fit because the lamp had a glass up-shade, you know, the kind that focuses the light toward the ceiling. I believe my then-wife found the shoe and fishnets. The shoe is red velour rather than black like the original. Sexy, though. The fishnets, she pointed out, would have been easier to acquire in October before Halloween than in early December. But Casey's Party Creations came through.

Dad unpacks the leg lamp on Christmas Day 1997.
Apparently a "grab shot" given the poor framing.

After cobbling together the lamp, I set out in search of a suitable box. Lindstrom's TV & Appliance provided a nice water heater box. Excelsior packing material, as used in the movie, would have been outrageously expensive, so I collected a load of packing peanuts from my wife's Discovery Toys shipments.

The size of the package would have been a giveaway, so I waited to bring it in after all other gifts were opened. Sure enough, the laughs erupted as soon as I brought in the box marked "FRAGILE" (Italian for "be careful or you'll break what's inside"). Only my brother Scott was perplexed by the humor of the situation. He'd never seen "A Christmas Story." That has since been remedied.