Let’s get this out of
the way right off. I know somebody will be offended, disappointed (in me) or embarrassed
(for me) by that title. I don’t care. Titillation is fun. And if I have to
resort to cheap thrills to attract a reader, so be it. This is all about being
me, and I find that shit funny. Now, those of you gutter minds who assumed I’d
be writing about ponytails or bootylicious running babes are in for a
disappointment – or maybe you’re relieved. Maybe you have a gutter mind but
always hope to rise above it. Still, the gutter was the inspiration for this
jaunt, in a way.
Took a rare bike ride
with my friend from church Scott H. on Monday morning. I love biking, but I
mostly enjoy the lackadaisical pace of my 3-speed commute to work or to do errands
and just take in the world around me. I’m not opposed to pushing myself on a
bike, but it’s a rare occurrence and, frankly, the riding position on a road
bike is uncomfortable for me: hunched over, head forced back, neck pinched.
Ouch. But it’s good to do some distance and even add a little speed from time
to time, though I did a fair amount of coasting, too.
Anyway, Scott and I
did 18 miles. That’s a stretch of the legs for a cruiser guy. Well, Scott’s
idea was to kind of do the perimeter of town, so we headed out Monmouth
Boulevard to Linwood Road, north to Fremont Street, west to Log City Trail,
around Lake Storey, through Lincoln Park and Hawthorne Centre, and on east to
Farnham Street and Fifth, before going our separate ways at my house on Fourth.
Somewhere out on Monmouth Boulevard in the vicinity of the former Maytag or
maybe before I spotted what looked like a plush toy in the gutter. See, there
it is, the gutter inspiration. The thing was long and furry looking, like maybe
a ferret. I almost stopped for it then, but being on the road bike I had no way
to carry it. And I didn’t want to hold us up.
Near the 16-mile mark
of our ride we stopped at the Admiral James Stockdale Military Museum in the
Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall on Michigan Avenue and were treated to a tour by
a Vietnam vet. The museum is a work in progress, but it has some nice stuff and
interesting stories. Those guys are doing a hell of a job, just as they did in
service to our country. Tip o’ the cap to them.
When I finally made
up my mind to run today, I decided to head out in search of that faux road
kill. I knew it would be a productive run from the start because I’d seen a
couple gloves on the W.C. Jackson Bridge in the past week. I purposely ran on
the road bridge – as opposed to the protected sidewalk where I usually travel –
so I could grab the gloves and the cans I’d noticed. It was more lucrative than
I expected. The brown cotton garden glove had a mate I hadn’t seen nearby.
Always nice to have a complete pair. The leather work glove will come in handy
for messing in the fireplace this winter.
What I didn’t know
awaited me in the grassy terrace at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church, Academy and
Third, was the cute Ass T-shirt. This classic kitsch is decorated with five
cartoon donkeys (asses), each with a different expression and label: smart,
wise, lazy, kiss and dumb. The shirt, a medium, is in good shape and should
come clean in the wash. Somebody’s gonna have a nice gift someday.
OK, that’s the end of
the fun. It was a blistering 85 degrees, which felt much cooler under the
breezy clouds in my backyard just before I took to the pavement. I labored out
Monmouth Boulevard, keeping an eagle eye on the opposite gutter for the
mysterious plush roadkill. Nothing but cans. On the return I did come across a
strange object that looked like a messed-up long wig. Perhaps it was some
frayed packing or strapping material from the nearby Midwest Manufacturing. It
wasn’t in the gutter, but it’s possible it had blown around since yesterday and
was my sought-after stuffed weasel. Guess I’ll never know.
I did score a load of
cans, a good pair of gloves and a funny shirt, so it wasn’t a total loss. And I’ve
already confessed on Facebook that I walked a portion of the last third of the
route. So sue me. I feel pretty good about today.
Today's Stats
Temp: 85 degrees F
Distance: 4.78 miles
Weekly Total: 4.78 miles (22.85 if you count my 18.07
miles biking Monday)
Treasure: Shirt of Asses (medium); 1 pair cotton
gloves (brown); one sueded leather work glove, right (grey/blue);1 purple
Funeral car flag; 51 cans.
iPod Playlist (Shuffle):
Mr. Jones – Counting Crows
Reunion – Collective Soul
Whiskey, Whiskey,Whiskey – John Mayer
That Thing You Do! –
The Wonders
3x5 (live) – John Mayer
Shoot To Thrill – AC/DC
I’ve Got A Feeling –
The Beatles
The Night Is Still
Young – Billy Joel
Nobody’s Home – Avril
Lavigne
Goving Over to That
Side (live studio chatter) – Ryan Adams
Helter Skelter (live)
– U2
Captain Jack – Billy Joel (Be patient for the song in this video.)
What’s On You Mind
(Pure Energy) – Information Society
Venus – Bananarama
Born To Run – Bruce Springsteen
Hooked On A Feeling –
Blue Swede
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