We did the dash ... We did the Monster Dash!

“Lookin’ good, sweetheart.”

“Thanks.” Smile.

“Excuse me, miss.”

“Sure thing.” Smile.

“Nice dress.” Smile.

“Excuse me, can I get your picture?” “Sure.” Smile, strike a coy damsel-in-distress pose. “ A man after my own heart.” (Says the guy taking the photo.)

“That dress is so you.”

“Thanks. It’s my color.” Smile.

Guys, if you want to draw attention and get a big self-esteem boost from loads of compliments, wear a dress. Seriously.

Well, you might not want to wear it seriously. But I think it’s easy enough to pull off the look (with a smashing blonde “storybook curls” wig) if it’s October, nearing Halloween, and especially if you’re gathered with a few thousand other runners for the Chicago Monster Dash.

Hello Kitty meets Baby Bear.

I’ll forego the details about Monster Dash – you can read about it here. Obviously it is a Halloween-themed costume race (half-marathon, 10K and 5K fun run/walk). The event starts in Grant Park and circles a path that crosses Lakeshore Drive and follows the lake back past the Chicago Museum Campus to the park where it all begins. That’s the 5K anyway.

What a blast. OK, it’s a pokey throng at the start, but you eventually can find your pace and do what you want. Perhaps. My girls (the famous Buckettes trio) and I went with a group costume – Goldilocks and the Three Bears. While they’re all natural blondes, it seemed odd to pick one of them as Goldilocks and odder still to have three Goldilocks and just one Bear to chase them all. So we turned it around and I took the Goldilocks role and the Buckettes became the Three Bears. We were accompanied by my friend and running mate Ellen, a.k.a. Hello Kitty.

Molly and Melissa work on bear claws.

Costuming was a bear (pardon the pun). I spent an afternoon shopping for a dress but couldn’t find one that both looked the part and fit a man of my physique. Enter my friend Kim, shopper extraordinaire. She found the perfect dress (though the Buck girls thought surely it was strictly a costume dress, not something any self-respecting woman would ever actually wear in public, at least not since the 1970s) and the perfect hair-piece. The storybook curls were a hit all around, though Molly was disappointed that they covered the stylized eye tattoo on the back of my neck (she likes creepy things like eyes in the back of one’s head).

The bear costumes were trickier. We’d hoped to do brown bears – for that storybook look. Unfortunately, brown sweatpants and sweatshirts are none too common. We went with black. Felt provided the clever ears and claws (attached to stocking caps, a hoodie and magic gloves. A little black face paint completed the girls’ costumes, though Amanda and Molly, with their stocking caps (topped with ears) might have been mistaken for cat burglars (at least without the claws).

We arrived at Melissa’s suburban apartment Saturday evening and went about making the bear costumes after dinner. Melissa, ever the crafty one, did the lion’s share of the work, though Molly pitched in with some essential claw-cutting. Amanda and I mostly lounged on the furniture and watched TV. Satisfied that the parts were ready for morning, we hit the sack and planned for an early morning. The 5K didn’t step off until 9:40 a.m., but the costume contest judging was slated to begin at 8. We had to be there for that. Not that we expected to win (though I think we were pretty clever), but we wanted to take in the full event in all its weirdness.

It was chilly when we stepped out of the Soldier Field parking garage – at least for those of us in a summer dress. But it wasn’t terribly cold and it warmed sufficiently by race time. Only my hands were cold, even it was a bit nipply out. (Side note, guys: Chicks don’t dig hairy man-cleavage. Who’d-a-thunk?)

Who ya gonna call?

The looks and comments started right off. As I waited for the girls to use the facilities in the parking garage. As we waited by the Grant Park tunnel for Ellen. That’s where it got good. A guy in a van (park employee, perhaps) calls out, “Lookin’ good, sweetheart.” Melissa already started to say thank you for the compliment when she heard the singular “sweetheart” and realized he was joshin’ me. It never ended. I think I even traumatized some poor little boy who had never seen a man in a dress before. Lucky he didn’t see the guy and gal dressed as Hootersgirls. That dude went all out, sporting a stuffed bra, as well as the orange hot-pants.

Teamwork!

What a great place for costume ideas. We saw Oompa Loompas (a trio who even did the dance as they presented themselves for judging); a variety of superheroes, including the Avengers and the Incredibles, among others; a couple of women cleverly paired to form bikini-clad boobs (with a “Save the Ta-tas” slogan on the back of their shirts); hippies; the Jamaican bobsled team (one of the best group costumes); the Scooby-Doo gang; even a rainbow, a seven-member group in the appropriate colors – Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet – labeled and wearing clouds at their feet (an idea we had considered early on in our planning for the run).

If you’re a runner and you like Halloween, do it. Monster Dash is an awesome event. The course is pretty easy and it’s more fun than any run I’ve done. Amanda noted that it helps that there’s such nice scenery to distract you. The stretch along the lake was gorgeous: The sun was shining on the blue water and there were still loads of sailboats floating there.

I could go on and on. Do the Monster Dash. It’s fun and you get great swag: kick-ass jacket (bitchin’ hoodie for the kids – I want one!) and a stained-glass-style medal to die for. I think I might have to sign up for the Polar Dash and/or the Get Lucky run next year, both sponsored by Team Ortho. In the meantime, I’m thinking of the Dec. 1 Santa Hustle. Check it out.

Today's Stats

Temp: ? degrees F

Distance: 5K, 3.1 miles

Weekly Total: 10.45

Treasure: 1 white satin sash with pink “Princess” button; 1 black and white fleece headband (ear-warmer); 1 fun size Nestle’s Crunch bar; 6 Twizzlers singles.

Race weight: 195.8 lbs.

Time: No idea. Not chipped for the 5K and I stopped for a considerable time, waiting for Molly, who it turns out was well ahead of me. She finished first among our group. D’Oh.

iPod Playlist (On Shuffle):

No iPod today, but the Monster Dash start/finish site was broadcasting tunes like “Werewolves ofLondon,” “Monster” and “Clap for the Wolfman.”