Change will come / Change is here*

Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” is the story of a man who wakes to find he’s transformed into a cockroach. It’s been decades since I read the tale and I don’t recall if it’s literal or figurative or what the symbolism of it is all about. I don’t recall details, only that main element.

Cockroach on a leaf. Get it? (Not my photo.)

I am not about to turn into a cockroach. But like the roach, I am a survivor. And while spring is the symbolic time of transformation, isn’t fall a perfect time to turn over a new leaf? Forgive the pun – I thought it was clever. So I am changing.

Saturday morning I went for a long run and cleared my head of some worries and nagging fears. At least they subsided for a few hours. OK, maybe it was only minutes. But the run helped. I had a blog all prepared about relationships – again, I know. I bought a notebook on the way to Amanda’s tennis meet in Monmouth so I could write what was swirling around in my mind. I wrote when she wasn’t playing, between games and while the girls were chasing loose balls off-court.  

Then I scrapped it. Not often that I do that. The creative process, the writing process, for me is cathartic only if there is an audience. Or at least it is more so when there is an audience. I like to think I’m not narcissistic, but who knows. Maybe anyone who blogs is a little.

Anyway, I’ve decided I need to release the fear, bury the insecurity and leave only the hope that was expressed in that fragment of a blog Saturday.  

Change has been / Change will be

 
Last week was step one: renewed commitment to running. Thanks to classmate Brian Bailey’s words about me being an inspiration to him as he strives to get back in shape. This morning’s run – which was at 8 a.m. – continues the commitment.

Starting last night I am controlling my drinking. It’s been off the tracks for a while. Bad metaphor – do we want drinking on tracks, like a runaway train? Anyway, I’ve been a mess. Time to straighten up. And as mentioned last week, I’ll combine that with my aforementioned efforts to eat better.

Know this: I will not be perfect. Nor will I strive for perfection. I will strive to be a better man, a better person. That’s not a copout. That’s a realistic approach to a realistic goal. I do this for me and I do it for others. I’m stating it publicly, so I guess I’d better live up to it.

 
Today's Stats (Monday, Sept. 30, 2013)
Temp: 47 degrees F
Distance:  5.77 miles
Weekly Total: 5.77 miles
Treasure: 27 cans.

iPod Playlist (Running mix, then Sweet WIU mix):

House of Pain – Van Halen
Everybody Wants to Rule the World – Tears for Fears
Just the Way You Are – Billy Joel
Taxman – The Beatles
Waking Up In Vegas – Katy Perry
Reunion – Collective Soul
Stay the Night – Chicago
Make Love Stay – Dan Fogelberg
Bad Reputation – Avril Lavigne
American Honey – Lady Antebellum
Gonna Make You Sweat – C+C Music Factory
The Ghost Song – The Doors
No Such Thing (Live) – John Mayer
Best of Times – Styx
Call And Answer – Barenaked Ladies
Ghost Train – Counting Crows

City Love (Live) – John Mayer

* Reunion (Collective Soul)

Change will come
Change is here
Love fades out
Then love appears
Now my water's turned to wine
And these thoughts I have
I now claim as mine
I'm coming home
Change has been
Change will be
Time will tell
Then time will ease
Now my curtain has been drawn
And my heart can go
Where my heart does belong
I'm going home

Today's Stats (Saturday, Sept. 28, 2013)

Temp: 62 degrees F

Distance: 7.07 miles

Weekly Total: 14.15 miles

Treasure: 2 cans (by my driveway); inner peace (really, though it was aided by a “good morning” text).

iPod Playlist (Running mix, then Sweet WIU mix)